Only in America: Where Dodging Responsibility Makes You a Patriot Expert

Only in America — this grand experiment, this land of contradictions wrapped in a flag and sprinkled with bald eagle tears — can a man who found more creative ways to avoid responsibility than a teenager avoiding chores turn around and declare himself the final judge of patriotism. And not just judge patriotism, but judge it in a man like Mark Kelly — a Navy captain, combat-tested pilot, astronaut, the type of résumé Hollywood has to tone down because people would say it’s “too unrealistic.”

But that’s America. Land of the free, home of the “I would have served, but you know… bones.”

Because apparently, nothing says “defender of the nation” like avoiding the very uniform you later claim gives you the sole right to define loyalty.

As a Black officer who actually raised a right hand, signed the dotted line, and didn’t try to dodge anything but enemy fire and paperwork, it’s a special kind of comedy to watch these performances. I mean real theater. Broadway could never.

Boots, Flight Suits, and… Excuses?

You serve long enough, you learn to read a man’s record. Some records come with deployments, sacrifice, combat hours, citations, maybe a scar or two. Other records come with… let’s call them medical creativity, conveniently timed, inconsistently applied, and never again mentioned once the draft lottery ends. Some call it luck. Others call it privilege. I call it selective patriotism — an allergic reaction to service that mysteriously clears up during election season.

Meanwhile, Mark Kelly wasn’t dodging anything except incoming fire. Navy combat pilot, Gulf War veteran, flew into hot zones, then decided, “You know what? Flying combat missions wasn’t risky enough. Let me strap rockets to my back and go to outer space.”

That’s who gets labeled “unpatriotic” in America.

You can’t make this stuff up. If I wrote a movie with a plot like that, Hollywood executives would slide the script back across the table and say, “Too unrealistic. No audience will believe a person with no service calling an astronaut a traitor.”

But America? Oh, America buys front-row tickets.

Patriotism, Apparently, Is a Performance

What America really loves — almost more than football and pretending racism is a historical artifact — is the performance of patriotism. Wave a flag hard enough, scream “REAL American patriot!” loud enough, and suddenly your lack of actual service becomes part of your charm.

You don’t need to serve America. You just need the aesthetic of someone who might have thought about serving before deciding your personal comfort took priority.

But try being a Black officer for five minutes. Suddenly every civilian with a camo hat from Walmart wants to interrogate your loyalty like you’re applying for clearance you already have.

A man who never wore the uniform can shout “traitor!”

But let a Black officer say something the slightest bit critical and it’s:

“Why do you hate America?”

“Maybe you should be more grateful.”

“That’s not very patriotic.”

Patriotism becomes a weapon — but only pointed in certain directions.

The Absurdity Hits Different When You’ve Been Shot At

Look, there’s a special flavor of humor — dark, bitter, and perfectly aged — that only veterans understand. Especially Black veterans. We’ve lived through the double standard so long it could have its own VA disability rating.

We know what it’s like to fight for a country that still debates our right to vote, live, breathe, and exist without proving we’re “one of the good ones.”

We know what it’s like to salute a flag that’s been used against us more times than we can count.

And we know what it’s like to see people with zero military experience cosplay as wartime patriots.

So when someone who never laced a boot, never stood a watch, never smelled burning sand or hydraulic fluid or JP-8 fumes decides to question Mark Kelly’s loyalty?

All you can do is laugh.

Laugh to keep from cussing.

Laugh because the hypocrisy is too thick to cut with a KA-BAR.

Laugh because only in America can someone dodge responsibility, then get praised as a truth-teller for criticizing a man who literally orbited the planet for the nation.

Astronaut vs. Armchair Patriot

Let’s make this simple.

One man spent his youth avoiding military service.

The other flew combat missions and then went to space in service to the country.

One man uses patriotism as a marketing strategy.

The other treated patriotism like a duty.

One man talks about protecting America.

The other literally carried America’s patch into space.

And America will still treat them like equal voices on “who loves the country more.”

If that’s not peak American irony, I don’t know what is.

Privilege Has a Funny Shape

There’s a reason this dynamic exists, and it isn’t random.

America has always allowed certain men to reinvent themselves.

Some call it reinvention. Black folks call it privilege on parade.

When you’re Black in uniform, everything you do is scrutinized. Every decision can be questioned. Every moment of anger, exhaustion, or humanity becomes a headline waiting to happen.

But some people? Their mistakes disappear. Their history gets rewritten. Their failures become folklore. Their lack of service becomes a footnote.

And their loudest opinions somehow become national talking points.

The View from the Officer’s Desk

As a Black officer, here’s the part that stings — not because it’s surprising, but because it’s predictable:

America trusts the image of patriotism more than the record of it.

You can serve 20 years, deploy three times, earn medals, lead troops, lose friends, carry trauma nobody sees…

…and all it takes is one loud civilian with a microphone to paint you — or someone like Mark Kelly — as suspect.

Not because they know anything about service.

But because they know patriotism is a performance, and America loves a good show.

So What Do We Do?

Call it out.

Laugh at the absurdity.

Tell the truth the way veterans always have — blunt, unfiltered, with just a touch of gallows humor.

And remind America that patriotism isn’t measured by the volume of your outrage.

It isn’t measured by how many flags you own or how many slogans you shout.

Patriotism is measured in service.

In sacrifice.

In commitment.

In the willingness to stand up when the nation calls, not sit down and look for excuses.

If that makes some folks uncomfortable?

Good.

In the End

Only in America can someone who dodged responsibility lecture an astronaut and combat-tested veteran about patriotism.

But only in America can a Black officer point out the hypocrisy — loudly, sarcastically, unapologetically — and remind everyone that service still means something.

Even when some people pretend otherwise.